Sunday, November 05, 2006

Things Not To Do (While Travelling) - 1

Howdy from India. I've been here slightly less than 12hrs, but decided I should go ahead and start blogging about it anyway.

On the flight from SFO to LHR (that's "London Heathrow" for you poorly educated republicans who're about to loose both houses of Congress), seems there was one flyer who just wasn't having a good day. And decided to take it out on the flight crew.

After the first yelling and cursing match, about poor seating, food, his prostate, they re-seated the fellow once. Didn't witness the yelling and screaming, but did start to notice that when this guy said something, he immidetiately got the attention of 2-3 flight attendants (sounds better than the unisex stew-persons instead of stewards / stewardesses).

Not sure what was wrong with the second seat, but he was soon escorted by 5 flight attendents to the exit row in front of me, in the next group of chairs over. Things seemed OK then, except most of us wondered why he rated 2-3 attendants whenever he opened his mouth. We were jealous.

So the plane lands, and as we start to taxi to our gate, the captain comes on to say were 25 minutes early, but since some officials need to come on board due to an incident with a passenger, we need to stay seated until this is done.

A British version of a TSA comes on, walks to our section, eyes me and my neighbor, and askes which one us which one of us is Mr. So-and-so. As we're answering no, and suddenly wondering what either one of us could have done, 3 flight attendants who'd been hovering in the back, and 2 more from the front, all point out Mr. Gonna-miss-my-connection-and-maybe-get-that-prostate-examination-after-all. Mr. Airport security walks into the bulkhead space in front of the soon-to-be-very-unhappy-camper, chats with him briefly, and asks the flight attendants to hold onto his baggage. 2 minutes later, 4 bobbies come on board, lead by 2 of the biggest British cops I've ever seen (admittedly, I've only seen a few, but these fellas were big enough to drag my ass off the plane) came in, full gear (bullet proof vests, side-arms, handcuffs), and tell the guy, very politely, he needs to come with them. No handcuffs, no laying of arms, and they even let him lead the way to the back exit of the plane.

Moral of the story - if you're having a crappy day, or are just an ass in general, and it's to much bother to keep in mind that other people don't deserve your shit, go ahead and take it out on the flight attendants. They love that stuff.

Or, if you really wanted that rectal exam, maybe schedule it w/ your doctor. I'm sure he/she will use a lubricant, and stop before they loose their wrist-watch. Not these 2 big fellas - looked like they might not stop until they had checked to see if he still had his tonsils.


Nava said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nava said...

but these fellas were big enough to drag my ass off the plane" - that would have been so cool, adding to your collection of royal ass posts...

And, I believe it's prostate, Oh-The-JohnnyB-who-makes-fun-of-MY-English!